Aha! I can tell that’s piqued the interest of many an urban warrior. I distinctly heard the scuffle of Doc Martins, the swishing of combat trousers, and the clicking of beads adorning whiteboy dreadlocks. Crocodiles, rhinos, polar bears, vampires, sharks, they’re all in short supply in Maidstone, aren’t they? But zombies? I mean there’s that really weird looking guy down near the train station isn’t there? This may be useful information.

Zombies are tricky buggers to handle, and somewhat irascible, so in dealing with them the better part of valour is to get the hell out of Dodge. With most enemies and predators, the only good one is a dead one. With zombies that’s the sort of sloppy thinking that will make you very late for the bus. I’m afraid avoidance is the only game in town here.

There are some simple precautions you can take. Do not go anywhere…