Got another collaboration for you all, I’ve teamed up with my Canadian (so you know it’s going to be good) buddy Pouring My Art Out again.
He is the funniest guy that I know (and I know a fair few) so subscribe to his blog and be thoroughly entertained to bits at Pouring My Art Out.
We both wrote a ditty together in the past, if you missed it then here it is once more:-
OK then, so this time round, I challenged PMAO to write another poem over at his “Comment Here” post – if you want to become part of history why not head over there and comment yourself or start some new comment threads. His post has over 25,000 comments and we could always use a few more to push the post through the 30,000 mark – click on the link here:-
Now, on to the poem and hope you find it amusing – it is taking a skewed look at what it would be like to experience life in the future with everything going wrong (just like a typical day in the present then but with more interesting ways to die I would imagine – blimey that is a bit bleak, somebody needs to cuddle a puppy – got any spare ones lying around? You can have him/her back after ten minutes, just a temporary loan will suffice, that should be just long enough for loving but just short enough to avoid the pooping – no flies on me, literally!)
Feel free to tell me about your own ideas of the future and what we can expect to endure, I’d love to hear them in the comments below – thank you for reading.
“Future Dilemmas” by TooFullToWrite & Pouring My Art Out
I’ve crashed my flying car
Into my supersonic refrigerator
More times than I care to remember
These labor saving devices are becoming self aware
Eating all my food and drinking all of my beer
My computer has a virus stuck up inside of my head
My transporter malfunctioned, now my spleen is on the outside
I have floorboards embedded in my knees
And the tongue in my new alien toilet licked me clean
So hard that my asshole might be missing
My time machine keeps on malfunctioning
I keep arriving before I have even left
The microwave creates nuclear fallout
All the engineers who try to fix it wind up dead
In the future we are all connected
There are no secrets or hidden agendas
Not all animals are extinct though
Some idiot cloned all the dangerous ones
And left their all of their cages open
In some ways, we are far into the future
Yet nothing really seems to have changed
Everything is just as it always was
Homicidal, leaking and full of rage
I want to bury the past behind me
Become master of my own destiny once again
A hobo just stole my identity
I’d chase him but now I can reboot from the beginning
The future is one big IT problem but I’m still winning
We take one step forward and two steps back
All of our answers give rise to more questions
We are supposed to have more free time yet
We spend less with out families
And more doing ridiculous things
I want to be a cave man again
I guess my fate is sealed though
I’m more Mr Jetson than Fred Flintstone
Put my brain in a robot
And I doubt my wife would know
There is one thing that is certain
About the future of mankind
Love is still our most powerful weapon
And chocolate still tastes divine
Too bad robots can’t taste chocolate or feel love
I really haven’t thought this through properly have I?
For more blog posts about predictions and other entertaining glimpses of possible events, check out the links below:-
1. Timeline Of The Far Future | AS I PLEASE
2. Story Throw Up | Lewis Cave
3. On July 30th I’ll Be Drawing A Blank | The Jittery Goat
4. DP Daily Prompt: Predictions | Sabethville
5. perhaps one out of | y
6. future | yi-ching lin photography
7. Daily Prompt: Predictions | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
8. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Thoughts of an INFP
9. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Incidents of a Dysfunctional Spraffer
10. 254. July 30, 2014 | Barely Right of Center
11. Fate | Active Army Wife
12. july 30, 2014 | Life Love Lily
13. The thing I would like to do on day 211: Thanks to Allah | Write for learning
14. Predictions – A Daily Prompt Post | My Little Avalon
15. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Willow Blackbird
16. Just messing about on the river: Daily prompt | alienorajt
17. July 30th, 2014 « My journey to qualify for the Boston Marathon…and everything in between…
18. Daily Prompt: Predictions | A Day In The Life
19. After 211 days… | Read Me
20. What the Heck Could I Doing On July 30th 2014 | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
21. Der, Die, Das…Was? | Mishe en Place
22. The Rock | L5GN
23. Give Me A Break | Wanderlein
24. A Bright Future | A mom’s blog
25. Developing Prediction Senses | Ako Si Ehm Blog
26. “Predictions” | Relax
27. Hump Day, Metathesis, and Discipleship | meanderedwanderings
28. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
29. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Finding Life
30. As I look into the Crystal Ball | Unlocking The Inner Creative
31. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Basically Beyond Basic
32. The business of writing | Kate Murray
33. Daily Prompt: Through the Looking | One Starving Activist
34. Will They Come True? | Flowers and Breezes
35. Predictions | Geek Ergo Sum
36. Predictions: July 30th | A Patchwork Life
37. In the Future | One Crazy Mom
38. Guest Blog Post by Precious and Coco (Kitty Cats): How To Be The Perfect Cat Person
39. 211/365 | The Colours of Confetti
40. of unwanted complications « Anawnimiss
41. Chasing Dreams | Real Life Co.
42. I can predict the future! | Love.Books.Coffee.
43. The Future | The Land Slide Photography
44. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Under the Monkey Tree
45. Daily Prompt: Predictions – Hoping for major advances in the HIV field while saying goodbye to Australia « psychologistmimi
46. Pee Here Now Part 2/Daily Prompt | I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
47. Daily Prompt: Predictions/Future | A Taste of Morning
48. Daily Prompt: Life on day 211 | Life’s So Sweet
49. Fearless In 2014: Fight Stagnancy | A Sober Head Full Of Confusion
50. Daily Prompt: Predictions |
51. A Summer Daydream on a Cold Winter Day | Bright Tuesday
52. DP: Predictions for 30 July 2014 | The Uncustomary Housewife
53. Predictions – July 30th | Ana Linden
54. Daily Prompt | perksofacharlie
55. I’m a little bit . . . something? [Sheri #1] | Rob’s Surf Report
56. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Kauniiksi katsottu – Seen as Beautiful
57. Other days it’s the weighted straight-jacket pulling you under… | thoughtsofrkh
58. Daily Prompt: Predictions | The Wandering Poet
59. Dreaming July 30th, 2014 | sixty, single and surviving
60. S. Thomas Summers | Writing Tip: And Let Us Take the Deep Breath and Plunge into Words
61. Oh, To Be There | by LRose
62. I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Morning with a Craving
63. Predicting the future? Ha. | Emotional Fitness
64. BREATHLESS BALLET | hastywords
65. Day 44: A Prediction | Thoughts Less Traveled
66. My Little Daydream | Wake Up Your Luck
67. Predictions | hitting a brick wall
68. Daily Prompt: Predictions / Future | Artful Homesteader
69. Daily Prompt: Predictions » My Life, My Way, My Words
70. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Nicole Sloan’s Writing
71. Daily Prompt: Future | Occasional Stuff
72. Daily Prompt: Predictions/The Future | Picayune Pieces
73. Daily Prompt: Being Wishful! | All Things Cute and Beautiful
74. Daily Prompt Challenge ~ “Future” | soletusknow
75. That Day Of Future Memories | Edward Hotspur
76. The Future Unseen | Words in Silver
77. Day Twenty: Add a new page | Occasional Stuff
78. Daily Prompt: Predictions | niennie
79. Day 211 | VernetteOutLoud
80. Looking into the future | Willow’s Corner
81. Predictions – Passionately Bored
82. I Will Find You | martha0stout
83. What Does Our Future Hold… | The Christian Gazette
84. Predictions | Amoeba Kat Musings
85. Predictions: Phil Style | 365 Days of Thank You
86. Well, If the Sow-bugs don’t Eat All My Potatoes, I’ll be in Denver | My Author-itis
87. Lauren Out Loud
88. Back From the Motherland | djgarcia94
89. Predicting What Our Life Will Look Like In 189 Days | A New Life In India
90. Rollercoaster Lunch | Buzzy Beez Giftz
91. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Polyprotic Amory
92. The Truth About Cuddling | Wiley’s Wisdom
93. Daily prompt: Still picking daisies | helen meikle’s scribblefest
94. Daily Prompt: Predictions | A Clueless Monkey’s Thoughts
95. The Future I Dream Of… | Talia’s Writing Nook
96. Cat Hats for Everyone | field of thorns
97. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Nola Roots, Texas Heart
98. Good news for parents | Parents Are People Too
99. Daily Prompt: Prediction for day 211 | Holoholo Girls
100. On Day 211 | Trigger Happy
101. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Adventure in Our Hearts
102. Celebrities Are People Too | The Dragon Weyr
103. Predictions | The Adventures of Jonathan Dumlao
104. Predictions | Polymathically
105. Predictions… | Life as a country bumpkin…not a city girl
106. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Moments Thru Lens
107. Daily Prompt: I Am Alice | cdvisions inspirations
108. Predictions | The Nameless One
109. July 30th 2014 | Wise Woman in Training
110. The Big Apple | vic briggs
111. I’m no fortune teller…. | bagofbuttons
112. pierced | yi-ching lin photography
113. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Wordz on a Page
114. WE CAN BUY ALL OF THE THINGS!!!! | Shades of Teal
115. Predicting | all my likes
116. Wanna know the future? | Dance with the Rain
117. The Risk of Predictions | Lipstick and Lithium
118. Predictions | Carpe Diem through Healthy Food, Fitness & Dreams
119. Daily Prompt: Predictions | adorablyobnoxious
120. What I’d most likely be doing on day 211 | Driven By Thoughts
121. Daily Prompt: Predictions | Your Daily Dose
122. Daily Prompt: FUTURE | heysugarsugar
35 thoughts on “A Poetic Duet With Pouring My Art Out – “Future Dilemmas””
Wait… I’m not Canadian am I? My dad was born in Canada, so maybe I am part Canadian at best… but technically I am one of those lowly Americans so despised by most of the world’s population.
But I don’t mean to quibble… this is awesome…
Part Canadian is still bona fide Canadian in my book and I’m sure they still embrace you welcomingly to their bosom. Thanks for being an awesome duet partner dude!
I just don’t want to sail under a false flag…
Anywhere you lay your hat or your head is your home
Just wanted to set the record straight… I am thankful for the promotion…
And I am thankful for your business – do come again soon 🙂
Well I always do in the end… uh… so to speak…
It feels good that someone liked your post so much that he has linked it up through his blog.
Thanks alot buddy 🙂
You’re welcome – your post was funny, I thoroughly enjoyed it, Mondays are a real bugbear of mine too. Thank you for reading mine!
Thanks alot for your reviews. Haha Mondays are always tiring.
Reblogged this on Pouring My Art Out and commented:
Um… except for the fact that I am not actually Canadian, this pretty much speaks for itself… doesn’t it?
You’re Americadian from Canica
I can live with that.
This is the future calling,
Please send cocoa seeds, we’re all out, us robots have replaced humans but we run on chocolate.
Dear Ms Doomed.
Thank you for your message.
Unfortunately all cocoa seeds are currently in full deployment for traditions involving Mothers and bunnies. Whilst I appreciate your needs, I have to question why I should send you these supplies when clearly I am going to be scooped out and feature as a hood ornament on a Robot Overlord’s flying Beamer.
If you have the time, maybe you could send an ambassador back to discuss a mutual treaty over Ferrero Rocher and Chocolate Sundaes?
Master Chocolatier and Ambassador to the Stars
If you were to send your coa coa beans to the future we can make sure your ancestors have a sweet deal, we can promise to keep them out of the slave pens and make sure they don’t end up as servants.
We would only need two or three plants to cultivate. We have become adept at using humans as a workforce.
This would be a small price to pay for securing your lineage.
Dear Ms Doomed
Your offer intrigues me and I’m sure that there have at least been a couple of naughty Mothers who don’t deserve chocolates or are on diets, so I’m sure we can acquiesce to your request.
I’ll tell you what – if you can guarantee my ancestors safety and allow them Sundays off for a spot of Pimms and croquet on the lawn, you’ve got yourself a very sweet little deal indeed.
I would be happy to sign the deal off over a couple of glasses of Baileys and After Eight Mints. Shall I book us both a place at Cadbury World? I will be there at eight o’ choc.
Yours much more optimistically
Chocolaterrier Fancier and Confectioner Extraordinaire
Dear Master Yorkie- Chocolatier,
Your terms sound acceptable and, due to your tastes in After Eight Mints, Baileys and Pimms, I am sure that we will have a very amiable business venture.
I look forward to conducting further business with you and, as a token of gratitude and a show of faith, I send your great great great π grandson as Ambassador between our peoples.
To send one of the Doomed clan may draw too much attention, we do not resemble your weak fleshy species.
Yours without sentiment
Dear Ms Doomed
You seem like a very reasonable, thoughtful, insightful and diplomatic rob …woman and I am pleased as punch that my offer has furthered future relationships with our supreme masters of the brave new world.
However, I am a bit perturbed that my ancestor Jeremy informed me that you currently make him walk the robodogs for several hours before making him give you a brisk oily rub down.
He has asked that instead of walking Fluffles for seven hours non-stop whether he could do it for six and give you an additional sandpaper foot rub instead? I’m willing to throw in an extra packet of Jaffa Cakes for your trouble.
Also how do I send Jeremy back? I can’t deal with the wretched excuse of a man, he whimpers like a little baby girl every time I brandish a can-opener at him and nobody gets between me and my tinned pears on a Sunday afternoon if they want to keep their bottom from being smacked.
We make him walk the dog so that he gets his daily fresh air intake. If he feels that he has too much fresh air and would rather sandpaper our feet then I must admit I cannot compute.
The other human sla… workers all seem much happier when they are out working compared to cooped up in a pen. The human race continues to bewilder us.
As for sending the human back we will retrieve him in good time. If he gets out of hand make him walk the dog; I can only assume his fresh air levels are low.
We have sewn the seeds from the plants you have sent us. When we are certain that they have taken to our soil and are thriving we will remove the human Jeremy.
I feel I must decline your generous offer of Jaffacakes, it is my understanding that by the time they reach your time they become inferior.
Enjoy your tinned peaches, and take care of my great great great grandmother π, I understand that she is serving as a toaster in your residence.
Countess of the Doomed.
Dear Countess Doomed
I had absolutely no idea that you treated Jeremy so well – he sounds like an ungrateful little goiter and softer than a sticky toffee pudding. Take your time in bringing him back, he can eke out his days scrubbing the hundred or so latrines in my mansion.
As for your grandmother, she is a bunny wee lass, a cheeky bit of crumpet to be certain, always interested in currant affairs and is pretty much the toast of the town. I will see to it personally that she is given the highest position she deserves next to the preserves on the top kitchen shelf – she shall now be known henceforth as Queen Lady Marmalade.
Now you simply must tell me because I’m sure it is the question on everybody’s lips. Also since you are not a fan of Jaffacakelets, there is a Terry’s Chocolate Orange in it for you.
Do androids ever actually dream of electric sheep? Or giraffes maybe? I dream all kinds of things when I am hungry.
Dear Mr…. I can’t keep up with your ever changing titles, you must be truly rising up the ranks.
Lady Marmalade came by the other day and said how well you treated her.
She’s doing well, she now has an estate with fifty humans working on it. She sends you a cattle prod in case Jeremy gets delusions of grandeur.
What is dreaming? there is no need for sleep. Although, if we over do it on the cocoa, we see flashing lights for hours in which case we are taken away for reassembling. Is this what you mean?
We have no need of electric sheep, we have real ones to feed and clothe the humans. Apparently you feel the cold.
I feel I should inform you that I have had a look into our future, it begins to look as if your cocoa beans grow well.
I am reliably informed that time travelling space ships will be soon be ready and will be visiting your time stream.
Thereupon your race will be put under our control for your safety and happiness. It is our understanding that your race is happier when it has something to fight against and happier still when there is someone else to control you.
You will of course be elevated above your human brethren as promised. You may keep the human Jeremy as your human servant if you wish.
Doomed I tell you.
Dear Ms I tell you Doomed
The title change shenanigans are a tax thing, an entrepreneur like me needs to stay one step ahead of Johnny Q Taxman if he is ever to succeed in this line of business.
Thank you for the cattle prod and explaining it’s use – Jeremy’s suggestion as to where to stick it was wholly inappropriate and possibly illegal in certain boroughs.
I am fascinated that you still have real live and kicking animals in your time. I must admit to being partial to the odd lamb chop swimming in a sophisticated gravy boat, the future doesn’t look quite so bad after all, it looks positively minted. Any chance you have any wild boar knocking around too for me to tuck into a sausage or two?
Did I just hear correctly that we are all going to be enslaved after you visit our timestream? And that therefore in the interest of time paradox that I am responsible for the enslavement of the human race? Splendid, splendid! At last a way to make my mark in the world and at the same time no longer being a slave to consumerism!
If it’s not too much trouble, can I also become ruler of Australia too? Some people say it’s too hot and full of spiders but I see a magnificent real estate opportunity.
Chocs Luthor, Future Potential Ruler of Australisugar
If you require we will be able to dip into time and sample some deoxyribonucleic acid from the beast in question, from then on we would be able to replicate the meat on demand.
As for Australia we cannot let you have that continent, we have many solar panels there that aid in our functioning. You may have the UK if that is to your liking, the salt air and constant rain are a strain for us.
The land is plenty fertile so there is ample opportunity for building your estate.
As for the human race, we are merely saving it for you.
We will begin the herding sequence immediately and will be eliminating any extra humans who are not necessary for the betterment of mankind whether as a worksman or as a person who keeps up moral.
We would also require a handful of scientists and other humans that are fairly intelligent to go on our timeships to gather samples and intelligence.
Is there is anyone from your timeline whose name might be recommended?. There are some atmospheres and timelines that we cannot enter unnoticed.
We thank you for your co-operation.
Bringer of Death
Dear Bringer of Death
Blimey, this has escalated quickly. Does the animal in question have to be breathing and frolicking about for that acidy thing you mentioned to work or can I supply you with one tenderly stuff with garlic and herbs?
Ole Blighty eh? I was hoping for warmer climes and not a place that reminds me of a soggy biscuit dipped for dangerously too long in a cup of tea. Their summers tend to last as long as a kettle boils and they are always moaning about the weather. Miserable lot. But they make good gangster films, I will give them that.
Shame about Australia, I have always admired their lexicon and fantasised constantly about adding shrimps to barbies. How about a koala as a consolation prize? As a pet mind, I don’t want to eat the fella but cuddle him every day. Especially when I have run out if towels to dry myself.
Here are some names of people that I recommend should go on the ship for various reasons:-
Ice Cube & Snoop
That smart mouthed guy in Who’s The Boss
The Cake Boss
Scott Walker from The Walker Brothers
That woman from the Toblerone Ad
Some random athletes from the Olympics
Science guys like the ones that come up with the ingredients for the Timotei ads
Me of course
I may have too many movie stars/musicians but at least we will be entertained on the trip. I don’t know about you but if I’m going to play charades, it might as well be with people that look pretty and can handle a one liner without falling flat on their tushes too.
St Francischoc of Resistance is Futile
Well I don’t throw about the “brilliant” word too often, but it applies here. That asshole line… wow. This is kind of disturbing, and very different, and I hope it’s not going to come true but it might. Whatever the case, I appreciate it. Great job, guys. Greatness.
But yah, Art is not Canadian. We’d totally take him, but he’s a Yank.
Hey thanks Trent for the praise 🙂 I must have got my wires crossed somewhere about Art’s origins. My point still stands that Canadians are heroes of mine, I keep finding you in comedy and music all time, you clever rascals!
Yah, we’re devious that way. Hoard up the creativity and then send our entertainers abroad to sow the seeds of our global domination plans.
All we would require is a sample from the beast in question, a hair or skin sample from the time of Henry VIII, I believe that this is the best source of meat.
You may have your Koala, that will not be difficult, however I regret to inform you that you will not be traveling in the ship.
The ship will be for information gathering and sampling, which is why we need scientists such as Albert Einstein. We are told that he needs to stay where he is until he reaches seventy six.
You will of course be kept safe in your own timeline. Apologise for any confusion.
Our ships should be with you now.
Do not be alarmed, stay where you are. The cages are not meant for you.
Dear Ms Temple of Doomed
Henry VIII, what a magnificent specimen indeed! He was a bit of a porky king though, perhaps I should be getting the sample from his hindquarters? I must say I am extremely intrigued how you will turn his Royal Highness into something resembling lamb cutlets. I’m not keen to tuck into my own kind just yet, unless that becomes the only alternative meat source. But you didn’t hear that from me, eh? Mum’s the word.
Your generosity with the Koala just goes to show your inherent sense of kindness, even with the impeding threat of slavery hovering over our fair nation. I shall name him Kocaoala.
I am of course devastated that I won’t be travelling in the ship. I’ve already spent a small fortune putting Mr Wibbles into care along with enough Kitty Triskets to keep him busy for the next several hundred millennia. I will have to give them all away to the local cat sanctuary now. I’m sure they will think it is Christmas down there, which is just as well since it will be the last one they get to enjoy before you’ve done your dirty deed. Let me tell you, this whole thing will make one gripping musical.
When you get Albert, don’t forget to help yourself to Marilyn Monroe too, it will be like beauty and the beast (although if Albert hears you calling him beauty, you had better be prepared for the rosiest cheeks you’ve ever seen). To be fair Marilyn had both great looks and IQ, Albert unfortunately looked like he’d won the lottery and then was dragged backwards through a hedge. I’ve seen hobos with better fizzogs. Ughhhh.
Do we need to put any newspaper down? Would you like some for the cages too? I’d hate for your ships to make a mess, it’s hard to get good cleaning staff around here that don’t want to pinch your precious silverware if it isn’t nailed or chained down to concrete.
I shall prepare a chocolate masterpiece in your honour involving honey, nuts, brown sugar and chocolate sprinkles. You can take it on chocolate ice cream if you wish or in a cake – I know someone who makes exceedingly good ones.
Dear Lord Chocolatte,
We thank you for your assistance we now have your timeline under our control.
As you may know chipping has progressed, we have tagged over one billion human slaves, the pens are overflowing as we speak.
We will unfortunately have to cull. As you have taken such great care of my ancestor, grandma toaster, you shall have your own Island as discussed. You may keep the one named Albert.
We will have a house built for you with protection to stop others of your kind seeking refuge. You will be moved to this location shortly, we ask for your full co-operation in this, resistance is useless.
Once secured we will have to ask you to not leave your house until we have the populace under control.
You may choose a female companion to shelter with you; we understand that in order for Albert to continue to exist you will need a mate.
We thank you for your patience and for your anticipated co-operation.
P.s excuse the cat delivery system, they are working for us now.
lol i loved the end.. chocolate definitely tastes divine and it is a shame robots can’t taste that.. I loved this piece.. i perhaps can never write a poetry on such themes, which makes me admire this even more.
Glad you enjoyed it Shruti – chocolate will always live on, even if we don’t!
you have the best kind of thoughts