Daily Prompt – Call Me, Maybe
by Michelle W. 5/02/2013

“Describe your relationship with your phone. Is it your lifeline, a buzzing nuisance, or something in between?”

Need Agony Advice For Your Mobile Phone Relationship Woes? Get Real and Dial Dr Bell today!

Hi there folks, Dr Bell here and welcome to my Agony Advice Radio Show.

I understand from today’s WordPress Prompt (thank you Michelle W. for kindly bringing it to my attention) that many of you are suffering from a disease called MARDY or what is commonly known as ‘Mobile Anxiety Relationship Disorder Yearning’.

As a lifestyle coach myself and a keen texter (I like to get sexy with the texties but that’s a whole different show – come back next Friday), I can appreciate how attached you people can get to your devices and the relationships that you build with them.

I’d therefore like to open up this segment of the show to answer some callers to address key issues relating to this all too common disease.

Just remember, you both need your space every once in a while, particularly if you’re worried about over dependency, communication breakdown, financial stress (have you seen those mobile internet charges, those are deal breakers and home wreckers) and radiation related illnesses.

“Firstly we have Ron from Columbus, Ohio. Hi Ron, you’re on the air with Dr Bell.”

“Hi there Dr Bell – first time caller, long time listener. I’ve been going steady for a while now. She’s always there when I need to talk to her. She constantly reminds me of where I need to be, she keeps me so organised. She’s terrific. Except that now, I think she has a problem. She’s started acting funny around me and it is embarrassing when we’re in company. It started sporadically at first but now she tends to freeze up around me. What can be done to repair our strained relationship?”

“That’s a great question Ron. Sounds like you have a real intimate thing going on there. I think you need to ask yourself – ‘Why is she getting frigid around your friends?’ Maybe she is tired and has taken on too much. Take time out to make her feel like she is the most important thing in your life, clear some space, take the load off of her shoulders and charge the energy right back into her life.”

“That sounds quite reasonable, thank you Doctor.”

“So what type of model do you have?”

“She’s not a model, she’s a dancer.”

“No, I mean Samsung, Ericsson, Motorola?”

“……”

“……OK, we appear to have lost Ron but I think I managed to help him. Right, we have another caller on the line, James from Austin Texas. James you’re on the air with Dr Bell, how can I help you?”

“Howdy Dr Bell, lurve the show, it’s terrific! I’m callin’ son because I’m havin’ trouble.

“That’s what I’m here for James.”

“Call me Jim.”

“OK then Jim – continue.”

“It’s ma fourth one Doc – I thought this would be the one that made me firget about the other three before. Sometimes I’d hold ‘er, cradle ‘er in my arms but it’s like there’s a wall between us and nothin’ is getting through, y’know what I’m sayin’ pardner?”

“Loud and clear Jim, loud and clear. You’ve got to read all the right signals, raise the bar and hopefully communication will become much clearer. It’s all about about turning this relationship on it’s side or in this case a little to the left.”

“I n’ver thought about it like that, all kinda makes sense now, ‘specially that last part, she’s left handed, I should be more sensitive to ‘er needs. Thank ya kindly pardner, I think yawl gawn and saved my bac’n gud!”

“Always glad to help.”

“And there was me thinkin’ that I should ‘ave tried the other fella’s show – you’re ah’ite in ma book son!”

“Wait, what? Which other fella?”

“……….”

“…..odd…OK then, that was Jim from Texas. We have one other caller on the line. Jasper from Orange County, California – you know the drill, you’re on the air with Dr Bell.”

“Hey there Doctor, great to be on the show.”

“Great to have you Jasper – so what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s a big day for me here, I’m quite nervous.”

“It’s quite normal for you to be feeling these kind of things Jasper. Do go on.”

“Whew. Thanks Doctor. Well, the reason that it’s a big day is that I’ve finally decided that we’re no longer going to be engaged.”

“Ah yes, a very familiar occurrence, some of my callers have found themselves engaged for days at a time.”

“That doesn’t seem like a long period of time to be engaged for.”

“Well if you asked them, they’d tell you it feels like years. So Jasper, are you going to….?”

“Yes Dr Bell, I’m going to pop the big question, sign on the dotted line!”

“One year or two?”

“What? This is going to be forever!”

“Forever – I’ve never heard of one lasting that long before, I’ll bet that will be expensive!”

“Why? We’ve sorted out the prenup.”

“…..You’re not talking about a mobile phone contract are you?”

“No. Are you not that Phil guy with the big ‘ole mustache?”

“Get the hell off my show.”

Clearly this issue is worse than I thought, with many of you afraid to come forward regarding your MARDY afflictions or are using these relationships with your “wives/partners” to indirectly ask me how to deal with your salacious phone desire hang-ups.

I’ve seen people like you in films go up to psychologists saying:-

“Oh, this advice isn’t for me, it’s for my friend.”

Yeah, your friend who appears to be the exact same weight, height, sex and age as you – we know it’s you – you’re fooling no-one!

Ahem.

Well I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for this week.

On next week’s show:-

“OMG – lol – How to Sext the Spice Back Into Your Relationship”

This is Dr Bell, signing off and leaving you hangi………………………

NB – Disclaimer – The original sources of all pictures used can be found by clicking on them! Thank you.