I’m in Scotland at the moment and with all of the wonderful culture and poetic stimulation there, I decided to write this – hope you enjoy it!
“On the Fringe of Edinburgh” by David Ellis
Oh, Edinburgh, you display such grace
Even when I’m having leaflets shoved in my face
The comedy is free, you say?
But the biggest joke is your method of delivery, so no I’m not going
Pass me another bottle of champagne and be on your way
Oh, Edinburgh, how quaint you are
With your museums, poetry, tapestries and hidden alleyways
The way tourists wander around aimlessly until I get sidewalk rage
Biting my tongue, as I try to find alternative pathways
No, please do continue to block the only exits and change direction suddenly
I enjoy being bashed and slapped while you take your sweet time
Oh, Edinburgh, my kingdom for a bona fide fish and chip shop!
I wandered lonely as a cloud but all I could find was disappointment
I don’t want kebab or pizza, I crave hand cut chips and malt vinegar
And who puts mayonnaise in a yellow mustard bottle? Fools, that’s who!
Oh, Edinburgh my dear, you have such long streets to traverse
The Royal Mile goes on for longer than most operas and at least they don’t have hills
I’m so glad that there are many pubs in abundance
I need a drink to get me through the next steep incline
A wee dram sounds like a plan
Oh, Edinburgh, it’s like a Doctor’s waiting room
At the Waverley Train Station
As I wait for the number to be called
Things move quickly in an orderly fashion
So I guess on that note you are forgiven
Oh Edinburgh, with all your sweet, friendly Scottish people
I could listen to you spouting playful conversations all day
I will miss you all and your culture while I stay in Oban
But I won’t miss the crowds or being bashed in the face
I’ll leave that for all the other masochists